Additionally problematic to these relationships is the tendency for narcissists to push down their painful feelings so deeply that they can often become "out-of-touch" with a significant emotions. It has been surmised that this "missing piece" may be associated with common difficulty narcissists have with finding meaningful direction in their lives. Sometimes this pursuit for meaningful direction will exhibit itself in infidelity, sudden divorce, or other life changes designed to "fix" this lacking sense of fulfillment.
When in a period of superior feeling, narcissists are primarily concerned with keeping this feeling from swinging into inferiority. A great deal of attention is given to praise, and increasing the likelihood of receiving praise through accomplishments or talents. In addition, considerable importance is put on meeting their needs, and narcissists therefore tend to have little room for the needs of others unless their needs are primarily met. Narcissists generally have an easier time believing they are happy and successful when their needs are met. When this occurs, some narcissists can sometimes be surprisingly caring and helpful. However, once their needs are no longer met, they will again return to focusing on their needs in an attempt to avoid swinging into feelings of deep inferiority. This focus on meeting one's own needs can often be at the expense of others. This can cause significant problems for children of narcissists, and attention to their emotional needs can be overwhelming to a narcissist.
Narcissists are well known for their lack of empathy for others, and in practice can be extremely hurtful. Physical intimidation, violence, lying, verbal abuse, and others are commonly used to try to "control" a given situation to prevent taking responsibility for negative actions, as these "faults" may result in the narcissist swinging into feelings of deep shame and self-criticism. These unempathetic responses are generally why so little empathy is often awarded to individuals suffering from narcissistic personality disorder despite it being a very painful, difficult condition. In addition, narcissists are so self-involved, that they will often feel unrealistically responsible for the emotions of others. For example, if his/her spouse is crying about something unrelated to the narcissist, it can often be hard for the narcissist to be emotionally present without internalizing the presence of sadness as self-criticism. This may be why general sadness or frustration in loved ones often triggers anger in narcissists. In therapy, narcissists often benefit from gaining skills to reduce self-criticism, healing areas of perceived emotional vulnerability, and learning to differentiate one's emotions from others. This can help narcissists to be more present emotionally both to themselves and to others, thus promoting a more fulfilling life.
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